i know this blog came a little too late to reflect my thoughts... the aftermath of all the torturous months of preparing for the final year exams... immediately after the exams, i did have much time to do any writing but preparing for my trip to genting the next morning which we have to leave early to avoid any jams along the causeway...
recevied lots of congratulatory messages from all my good and concerned friends around me.. "free as a bird!", "graduating soon!", "tuo li ku hai!", etc... am i really happy that everything is over? very mixed feelings... a deja wu feeling? dun think so.... on one end i may feel relief that no more studies for me for a while but i did not get that feeling at all when i left the exams hall that day and on the way back home... lots of reflections... lots of thoughts..
while travelling up the journey to genting... many thoughts ran through my mind... what should i relect in my blog... the only way is to turn back the clock...
tock, tick, tock, tick... the time goes back to...
6th june 2005... counting down to last day of exams... 2 days to the last paper... was in the library early in the morning... did my revision and concentration is perfect today.. maybe the D day is getting nearer... went with jeremy for lunch and during that time, we refected our past, our walks of life in SIM, how much time we had invested, walking down memory lane...
all in all we had spent six years of studies in SIM... from being a naive student for the certifictae course to the diploma course to this decision of taking the UOL degree.. a long six years... not counting the number of days spent here and certainly it would hit more than that as i have a year or so intermission between my certificate and diploma due to my work commitments in KL.. have to shuttle here in sg and m'sia.. tough going but still i proceed on to the diploma...
6 years.... is it a long time spent in my life span? short enough to kill my brain cells? i dun know... all my friends are so frustrated with me... they keep complaining that my studies never ends... each time they call me out i will be telling them either i got classes or i am having my exams... and they always say, "how come you are always having yr exams, your studies never finish one huh?" they are so tired of me having to book me months in advance to meet me for some coffee or meals togther...
sentiments grow fondly during these six years... made many good friends along the way... made a silly mistake that will create a deep cut for the rest of my life... never been so helpless.. always been playing along without breaking the law... however this has made my mind in a criss cross situation... wanted to leave SIM very much to hide away from reality but at the same time wish i could spend more time with all the good friends around me... always faced with such unpercedented predicament...
7th june 2005.... lost and all alone, last day of preparations for my icp paper... was it good? still got lots to cover... never failed to admit that i was never better than last year for this year.. dun know why... lots of procastination deep within me... jeremy did not join me for lunch today... went to canteen to have "one ton noodle"... sharon's suai ge was busy so we did not talk... went to table and met the photocopy lady asking where are the rest of the gang... suddenly the lost feeling crept into my spine... everyone is slowly getting out of SIM... the feeling and thoughts of leaving SIM soon fills my thoughts with great emotions.... six years..... six good fun years... the happiness, the exams stress, the fun and laughter filled the air... the same thoughts when i was about to leave my BMT after sharing all the 3 months of fun and hard work together with all the great buddies and friends made along the way.. the comradeship... the strength of unity... fighting together as one as well as being punished together as one... one big family...
sharing the tears, fun and laughter together with the UOL family created a greater a bond among one another... the closeness... the togetherness... the care and concern for each other and the support for each other when we encountered with numerous ups and downs.... no one is pefect... no one shines.... no one is wrong... no one to blame... each has its own merits, strength and weaknessess... each trying their very best to unite the family as one.. stay closely as one... fighting the battle across the hurdle as one... one united family...
the night falls... time for dinner... went to patronise the chicken rice stall for the last time... suai ge was manning the cashier... same thing.. ask about everyone.... joke about each and one... but it was his words that strike my feelings... my emotions... told him that today will be my last day here for meals and supporting his stall for the last time... he said he was happy for me that i will be graduating soon but sad to see all of us leaving him...
it is so strange that only the last few months that i started to make friends whom we have all along just acknowledging each other with a nod or just a wry smile... somehow along the way i get to talk to many people whom we did not bother to talk to during the years in school... why now? an unexplainable phenomena... but glad we close the gap along the way...
why am i having all these sad deja vu feelings when i wanted to get out as fast as i could? get out this place which is getting more and more an autocratical environmental status? no place to run... no place to hide... as the night crepts in, slowly packing my bags... leaving my favourite seat and walking out of the library for the last time....
8th june 2005.... the final countdown.... could not concetrate much... could not do much... always had this cold blank feelings when i step into the exam hall... mind not flowing as freely as many would have expected out of me... did not perform as well as i should have...
do i get the over the top or hill feeling after the clock ticks at 1730hrs? nope... not at all.... nothing of that sort... heave a sigh of relief that i dun have to rush back to my books? not at all too... guess i am still a walking corpse at heart... no feelings of happiness... why??? cos i am dwelling in complete indulgence for studies all these while and now embarking into murky waters where i have left where it belongs... coming to senses that the road is long and winding with many turns and unexpected blocks... there is so much to do after today... getting a job is the greatest hurdle and clearing my obligations is my main concern, so there comes the questions many posed to me along the way... is my studies a building bloc or a stumbling bloc? am i much happier person now? guess i will have to look for Coco Lee for "the answer... "
" 爱 活 在 心 上... 不 是 时 间 可 轻 易 打 断... 就 算 是 交 会 时 短.... 记 忆 会 超 越 岁 月 边 疆... 爱 活 在 心 上... 不 受 谁 的 决 定 改 变 方 向... 你 真 爱 过这 就 是 答 案"...
and this is dedicated to all my friends out there.... especially for all the members in the UOL family.... wishing you one and all happiness in your future endeavours... live life to the fullest... stay heathly and happy always... having you all out there is the greatest gift of my life
guess i am always late in entries.. could not make it on the same day... i have too much to do and too little time.... everyone's asking.. "exams is over, still so busy?" hm.... guess i have lots of catch up to do after delaying so many appointments due to my studies... is pay back time....
