the last day of 2007...

time really flies... is the last of the year 2007... when i was having my treatment during the middle of the year, i was hoping that december would come soon as the treatment will be over... however finally i reached the end of the year, the nightmare is yet to be over...

anyway, glad that i am still able to and the opportunity to wish all my friends out there a happy new year... stay healthy & happy always...

health update...

went to nuh for my chest x ray and lung test today... results showed improvement from the last time.. a good sign indeed but the side effects of the medication is getting bad... my rash is getting worse and now got a see a skin specialist....more implication... another specialist to add on from my current 3... and i could not recover from my flu and now need to take special medication to prevent it from draining my immune system...

it seems never ending... the nightmare is still on...

the battle begins_feb 2007

the brand new year 2007 started rolling in with job and work related stress and i am beginning to feel the strain... am i not being to take stress? not too sure but i am tired... and at the crossroad too... should i stay or should i leave?

this job gave me the best remuneration so far in my career history and somehow got the feeling that at least now i am keeping up with my peers... but do i want to lead a no personal life job? or should i just find a more relax working environment but much lower perks and income? after much deliberation, i chose the latter...

before i leave i decided to go for some medical health screening which i have been holding back for a long time... finally decided to go for a short break holiday while i wait for the results and also embark on a new career...

tragedy strucks when i am back and got the results... a devaasting news which i was not prepared at all... did not expect to happen... i got the big c... the world came crashing down... i was crushed... susceptibly shattered... could not believe my ears when the doc told me that there is nothing could be done now except for immediate operation to remove it... is too late to save it... my mind is in a turmoil... i could not react as fast as i could and at the same time trying to hold back my emotions... i was not left with much choice... doc says must do it fast to prevent it from spreading... i thought i could wait while went back to work and planned to go ahead after work is more settled... however a phone call came from the hospital and was told doc wanted to speak to me urgently... better do now or regret later and the earliest slot was 3rd of chinese new year... just a week away... the rest is history...

things were fine after the operation and went back to work but did not last long as the battle begins when i went for another ct scan after the operations 3 months later...

hell & torture months_may 2007 ~ aug 2007

when i got the devasting news that the c cells are finally spreading. i dreaded the thoughts of going through the chemo process as the doc explain to me what drugs were they going to administer and i had to go thru 3 cycles of it... initially i had the slightest idea of what is it and what is going to happen but it turns out to be a nightmare for me...

the c cells were present in between the 2 kidneys... some 30mm in size... scary as it sounds and as it can seen from the ct scan... i had to be warded in patient for the first week of the chemo treatment... things were not too bad then and i still could even move around freely while receiving the intravenous treamtent... some of my friends came by and visit me in hospital and i could even company them at the food court for their meals... sounds like a holiday camp! hahaha... i even got discharged when doc says i am doing very well and went home to rest but things started to turn nasty when back home.... the nightmare begins... went into twilight zone...

the first side effect came eventually... i started throwing out... badly it seems but i endure... thinking is normal for chemo parients to throw out... but few days when i went back for threatment. i threw out while doing it half way thru and had to be warded... even though the doc told me he gave me the srongest medicine to stop the nauseous feeling... apparently it did not help in any way...

more side effects followed thereafter... i had vivid memories... 2 or 3 instances where i had to be rushed to a&e due to diarrhoea and high fever... suddenly stomach and urine got infection... low blood counts... went into isolation... blood and platletes transfusion... low potassium and magnesium and had to replenish but that really hurts as it burns my veins...

i went into hallucinations at times... my body was turned upside down hanging from the ceiling... there are many people around my hospital bed rocking me furiously and a big stome keep pressing on my body making me helpless... many others followed... too many to remember... too vague to remember at times... i could not sleep at night without the help of sleeping pills... it became a daily affair...

recuperation months_ september & october 2007

these 2 months was supposed to be my recuperation months after 4 hardardous months of intravenous chemo treatment... the side effects were very bad and went through almost everyone of it... feeling weak. lethargic and breathless most of the time and simple daily chores seems so tough...

finally get to rest at my own home after a staying at my sister's place while she is taking good care of me during my treatment... the first few days on my own was tough... even walking down to get my meals was like going for a long distance walk... get so breathless easily and had to rest for more than an hour to recover back the composure but glad that each day goes by, my strength slowly regaining itself and managed to struggled through those tiring days... though still not good as before but better than those torturous months of hell where i am so helpless and need help in many ways...

closure of year 2007...

time flies again... before you know it... it is the end of the year... year 2007... bad year... devasting year... one of the worse and volatile... not a good year to remember with sad memories... all things happening so fast and I could not do anything much about it...

more intricate details will follow but will update the current situation and conditons before i backdate the old ones... bit by bit before the end of the year...

last month went for a scan and found that the c cells are still present but shrinking by a mere 1mm... good sign that is it shrinking but it is still there... now doc says stronger chemo with bone marrow transplant is not an option but the major operation is the way to go now... however, things are not going simple as it seems to be... went for another scan this month and found out that the lungs are inflammed and it could caused complications if i proceed with the operation with my current lungs conditions... so now they to treat the lungs first... with stronger steriods which has also many side effects... low immune system, prone to infection and diabetes too and cannot get high fever or else i have to rush to a&e again... but now it seems i had developed some rashes again, lost my taste buds and everything taste bitter and bland and down with flu and worse of all... i m all bloated up!!!... seems no ending... more complications keep popping up along the way... reminders of the devasting dreadful past few months...