i know this blog came a little too late to reflect my thoughts... the aftermath of all the torturous months of preparing for the final year exams... immediately after the exams, i did have much time to do any writing but preparing for my trip to genting the next morning which we have to leave early to avoid any jams along the causeway...
recevied lots of congratulatory messages from all my good and concerned friends around me.. "free as a bird!", "graduating soon!", "tuo li ku hai!", etc... am i really happy that everything is over? very mixed feelings... a deja wu feeling? dun think so.... on one end i may feel relief that no more studies for me for a while but i did not get that feeling at all when i left the exams hall that day and on the way back home... lots of reflections... lots of thoughts..
while travelling up the journey to genting... many thoughts ran through my mind... what should i relect in my blog... the only way is to turn back the clock...
tock, tick, tock, tick... the time goes back to...
6th june 2005... counting down to last day of exams... 2 days to the last paper... was in the library early in the morning... did my revision and concentration is perfect today.. maybe the D day is getting nearer... went with jeremy for lunch and during that time, we refected our past, our walks of life in SIM, how much time we had invested, walking down memory lane...
all in all we had spent six years of studies in SIM... from being a naive student for the certifictae course to the diploma course to this decision of taking the UOL degree.. a long six years... not counting the number of days spent here and certainly it would hit more than that as i have a year or so intermission between my certificate and diploma due to my work commitments in KL.. have to shuttle here in sg and m'sia.. tough going but still i proceed on to the diploma...6 years.... is it a long time spent in my life span? short enough to kill my brain cells? i dun know... all my friends are so frustrated with me... they keep complaining that my studies never ends... each time they call me out i will be telling them either i got classes or i am having my exams... and they always say, "how come you are always having yr exams, your studies never finish one huh?" they are so tired of me having to book me months in advance to meet me for some coffee or meals togther...
sentiments grow fondly during these six years... made many good friends along the way... made a silly mistake that will create a deep cut for the rest of my life... never been so helpless.. always been playing along without breaking the law... however this has made my mind in a criss cross situation... wanted to leave SIM very much to hide away from reality but at the same time wish i could spend more time with all the good friends around me... always faced with such unpercedented predicament...
7th june 2005.... lost and all alone, last day of preparations for my icp paper... was it good? still got lots to cover... never failed to admit that i was never better than last year for this year.. dun know why... lots of procastination deep within me... jeremy did not join me for lunch today... went to canteen to have "one ton noodle"... sharon's suai ge was busy so we did not talk... went to table and met the photocopy lady asking where are the rest of the gang... suddenly the lost feeling crept into my spine... everyone is slowly getting out of SIM... the feeling and thoughts of leaving SIM soon fills my thoughts with great emotions.... six years..... six good fun years... the happiness, the exams stress, the fun and laughter filled the air... the same thoughts when i was about to leave my BMT after sharing all the 3 months of fun and hard work together with all the great buddies and friends made along the way.. the comradeship... the strength of unity... fighting together as one as well as being punished together as one... one big family...
sharing the tears, fun and laughter together with the UOL family created a greater a bond among one another... the closeness... the togetherness... the care and concern for each other and the support for each other when we encountered with numerous ups and downs.... no one is pefect... no one shines.... no one is wrong... no one to blame... each has its own merits, strength and weaknessess... each trying their very best to unite the family as one.. stay closely as one... fighting the battle across the hurdle as one... one united family...the night falls... time for dinner... went to patronise the chicken rice stall for the last time... suai ge was manning the cashier... same thing.. ask about everyone.... joke about each and one... but it was his words that strike my feelings... my emotions... told him that today will be my last day here for meals and supporting his stall for the last time... he said he was happy for me that i will be graduating soon but sad to see all of us leaving him...
it is so strange that only the last few months that i started to make friends whom we have all along just acknowledging each other with a nod or just a wry smile... somehow along the way i get to talk to many people whom we did not bother to talk to during the years in school... why now? an unexplainable phenomena... but glad we close the gap along the way...
why am i having all these sad deja vu feelings when i wanted to get out as fast as i could? get out this place which is getting more and more an autocratical environmental status? no place to run... no place to hide... as the night crepts in, slowly packing my bags... leaving my favourite seat and walking out of the library for the last time....
8th june 2005.... the final countdown.... could not concetrate much... could not do much... always had this cold blank feelings when i step into the exam hall... mind not flowing as freely as many would have expected out of me... did not perform as well as i should have...
do i get the over the top or hill feeling after the clock ticks at 1730hrs? nope... not at all.... nothing of that sort... heave a sigh of relief that i dun have to rush back to my books? not at all too... guess i am still a walking corpse at heart... no feelings of happiness... why??? cos i am dwelling in complete indulgence for studies all these while and now embarking into murky waters where i have left where it belongs... coming to senses that the road is long and winding with many turns and unexpected blocks... there is so much to do after today... getting a job is the greatest hurdle and clearing my obligations is my main concern, so there comes the questions many posed to me along the way... is my studies a building bloc or a stumbling bloc? am i much happier person now? guess i will have to look for Coco Lee for "the answer... "" 爱 活 在 心 上... 不 是 时 间 可 轻 易 打 断... 就 算 是 交 会 时 短.... 记 忆 会 超 越 岁 月 边 疆... 爱 活 在 心 上... 不 受 谁 的 决 定 改 变 方 向... 你 真 爱 过这 就 是 答 案"...
and this is dedicated to all my friends out there.... especially for all the members in the UOL family.... wishing you one and all happiness in your future endeavours... live life to the fullest... stay heathly and happy always... having you all out there is the greatest gift of my life
5 comments:
*clap clap clap*
Very well written, it's a waste u didnt become a journalist or a writer. Thoughts of Tsunami, before and the aftermath gushed into me as I read along. The emotional effect is comparable (at least for me).
Well, all happy endings have to come to an end. Though we might not meet as often as before, we are still around and in town. A buzz or a click, u get to see all of us. Sad but still....
Look forward to your bday celebration ya?
p/s: wanna consider being a journalist?
I really admire the way you write...can consider writing articles to newspaper and earning some extra pocket money...kekeke
I would say seeing all of you leaving me at SIM are painful but also happy for u guys. A long lasting friendship needs maintenance. We have arguments, unhappiness and disputes all this while but it makes us to be more understanding to each other and tighten the bonding too.
I have confidence in you that you will find your job soon and lead to a better life in terms of health and relationship.
All the best to you and jia you !!! We are always here for you, when you need a shoulder or a hug, do not hesitate to call any of us and we will be there in next minutes….
Agreed with the rest…well-written and really touches my heart…I cried after my first reading and becoz it is a bit “chim” for me I have to read for the 2nd time for better understanding and likewise I cried after my 2nd reading…
I thought I am the only one had this mixed feeling but after reading I doubt so, all of us have the same feeling but I think Lau Da has “spell” it all out for us in this blog.
I remember I try going to almost every corner in SIM during my last few days in SIM (ie our home base, canteen, megabites, fish ponds, Lt02-08, Lt03-19, etc etc…)…I have the similar lost feeling when I am alone in the canteen or at the bench and it grows stronger when people around start asking “where are your gang?”….
Eileen is right we are still in town and we can always meet up if we want to see each other and Sharon has a good and valid point; a long lasting friendship needs maintenance. Wanted to add a thought of mine and that is we can always find another common interests, we can go travel together once a year regardless it is a short getaway or a long ones. Seriously, I think we will become great traveler mates. I suggest that we can start with short trips like conquering Malaysia then Aisa and also have to consider the “Vitamins M” factor…
Lau da, I have faith that you will find a job that suits you so look at the bright side of the road and you are not a “walking corpse” you are our “亲爱的老大”.
See you on Sunday….
Touch wood... what's walking corpse? You are pa pa and everyone big brother. I miss you and the time we spent together at our corner at the library. Our long long break time and makan da jie favourite's green peas.....
I am looking forward of our "UOL Returns".....
sorry for the late entries... after exams already still so busy!! hahaha....
to my dear girl xiao xiao mei, qooooo... i always believe that it take a greater person of the same mind to know a smaller likewise!! so dun be too modest yourself! your writing skills are much more superior than mine!! all the best to in your new greener pastures... i have confidence in you that you will find a better job soon!
to my dear crying baby, dajie of the family... no need for admiration.. you can do it too and you have done it well! (in your marketing paper! hahahaha... and the story goes on and on and on....)
to my dear da mei, rosebud... sorry if it sounds so "chim" to you.. hahaha.... i also need a dictionary myself to write it out.. not so smart after all!! hehehe... sorry for causing your tear drops to fall but likewise myself it was pouring uncontrollably that i had to make regular intervals to compose myself to finish this long thesis (hahahaha...) it was free fall of emotions and the tear darts were not spared too...
to my dear girl xiao mei... UOL returns?? hm... a sequel to Batman Begins? hahaha....
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